Yesterday,
I have been told that I was constantly moaning. No you perv’, not in THAT sense…
Plus, being
truly happy is such a rare and good feeling that why waste your time bragging
about it instead of enjoying the moment? When I’m happy, I really couldn't care
less about what others think about it, so why bother sharing it with them? You’ll
have plenty of time to tell them all about it once the lucky streak is over.
When you’re pissed, you find ways to vent, and technically, if you are constituted
like most of other human beings, when you’re happy this need for venting your
anger or frustration just spontaneously vanishes.
Anyway,
getting back to that thing about me being a moaner : in daily life I’m pretty
different than the written me. I tend to cover up and protect myself. I seem
pretty normal I guess. I put on a regular sized smile and have a few chit chat
topics always handy. I leave my over thinking brain in the closet and play my
part. So, it is not that I take that comment of last night badly, it just comes
as a surprise to me. I just don’t get on what evidence it relies on. Yes, I
have a tendency to abuse half-empty glass sarcasm, but that’s not the “surface”
me, that’s a special treat I save up for my friends usually. Sometimes I try it on other people, it usually doesn't take, too bad. On daily
stupid stuff that loads of people complain about, on THAT, I usually don’t complain much, because I
just couldn’t care less. Or, on the
opposite, I start complaining about it too, to just blend in or more correctly
to avoid having people that I don’t give a crap about start wonder about me and
then start being awkward with me or worse asking me too many questions. Blending
in is my way to keep uninteresting people at safe distance from me.
That stupid
coffee machine is not working properly? Oh yeah, totally agree, that’s so
annoying. You always have to ask people 50 times before they actually do that
thing you were asking for? Oh yeah, so frustrating! People always take your
files out and never put them back in their right place and you always end up
losing YOUR time just looking for them when you have spent so much time already just organizing
them following a very strict and elaborated system that is so awesome, if only
people would follow it?? OMG, you’re so right! I hate this !! Etc. Seriously,
who gives a crap.
Little
insider tip : when you cut all that crap and start having “heavy” discussions (about life, love,
politics, art, or personal important stuff and emotions) with me that’s when
you know I consider you interesting and worth of my friendship.
The daily
me, available to everyone, is not a fan of excess, so I won’t complain too
much, as I won’t cheer too loud. I just go with the flow. Had I been called whimsical last night, that would have made more sense to me, because yes, I have
my moods every now and then, I don’t hide them, they are printed out on my
face, but I don’t start blabbering everyone’s ears full with it !
Maybe last
night’s comment derives from the fact that this person only – mostly – knows me
from work. And yes, as I said, at work, I do a lot of social complaining. But I
just try to contribute to the group effort! Because, let's face it, when people are not talking about the weather (on which they spend huge amounts of time complaining, by the way), they moan just about everything in the office. And since I'm an assistant, who do you think they blabber full with it? That's right, me! I have a boring job, it's a fact. I can’t seem
to find work in my field of interest, I keep encountering people who have jobs
in my field of interest and who, without bragging or anything, are way less qualified
and intelligent for the job than I would be, and yes, it might be true that all
this is getting on my nerves and contributing to the fact that I tend to fill
the enormous amount of time I have on my hands doing literally nothing,
criticizing every other thing every now and then. It’s probably a way to vent,
combined with an option on how to pass the time when I am having just about enough of
Facebook and other online procrastination tools. And I know I should act on
this and find a more appropriate job, and I’m trying, I’m applying every week
to a bunch of positions. I sometimes am picked for an interview, most of the
time I'm not. And when I do get picked, it never worked out so far, but I continue! And in
the meantime, I just have to stay where I am, being paid doing nothing or
nothing much. That’s just the way it is. Until the dices roll in my favor, that’s
how it is going to be. It is frustrating, that’s for sure, but I accepted the
fact and I’m confident, things will change, sooner or later. So all of that couldn't be
the cause of this constant moaning accusation either.
All in all,
I don’t see myself as a moaner in the general sense of it. As much as constantly
overly happy people annoy me, people always complaining about every single detail
(especially those who, you know, have it better than you, in general) tend to
really get on my nerves. People asking themselves meaningful questions and
going through a thinking process that leads them to rather negative
conclusions, now THEY don’t annoy me. See, I don’t qualify this as moaning.
Moaning is purposeless. Thinking and coming to conclusions, may they be
positive or negative, is something totally different. It’s something you can
work on, develop an argument upon, and start having one of these “heavy” talks
I was referring to before. As I said, if I do complain about meaningless stuff, it
usually is a way for me to contribute to or initiate a social interaction. Just
like chit chat, complaining is a way to break the awkward silence between
yourself and a person with whom you know you have nothing to talk about except maybe for that annoying disfunctional coffee machine.
So maybe,
maybe this guy, this guy who thinks I’m a constant moaner, is just someone I
have nothing genuinely interesting to talk about with. Maybe when I’m out of
chit chat topics to discuss with him, I move over to complaining because nothing else is coming from our conversations. Maybe, just maybe,
that means we should just accept the fact that we don’t have that much in
common and that we covered everything we had available for us to share. Maybe it’s time
that we just start spending less time together and both go our own ways,
meeting people we’ll both enjoy the company of, and stop wasting each other’s
time. Maybe. I mean, it’s just an idea...
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